Plan B(aby)

I’m feeling better this week. Dare I say (cautiously) optimistic, (quietly) hopeful and even (a bit) excited? It’s time for plan B.

Farewell own egg IVF, you cruel mistress. Hello donor egg IVF, you beguiling temptress.

After 5 miserable rounds of IVF we have decided to try something different. Well, ‘decided to try’ is a bit coy; we HAVE to try something different. We have two options at this stage – donor eggs or adoption. I want to be pregnant. I want the morning sickness, swollen ankles and stretch marks. I want to give birth. I want to be one of those people who post annoying bump photos on Facebook (no I don’t). I want a baby which is genetically half ours, and will hopefully get my husband’s smile, eyes, killer bod and BBQ skills. Maybe I’m a bit selfish but I would love to experience motherhood and birth in the ‘traditional’ manner. We are both keen on the idea of adoption and that will certainly be plan C, but I think donor eggs are the way forward for now. If it doesn’t work out then at least we’ll know that we did everything possible to make pregnancy a reality. I know adoption could work for us, but I’m just not ready for that yet.

So – we’re off to Madrid! There are lots of highly regarded clinics in Spain and no waiting lists for donors. It’s cheaper than the UK. Our hospital consultant in London has given us his blessing and recommended a couple of clinics. I’ll be able to have scans with him in London and just fly to Madrid twice – once for the initial consultation in September, and then later on for the egg transfer. I won’t need to do any injections or rely on my creaky old ovaries. I just need to make sure that my womb is ready to receive 1-2 nice embryos courtesy of our young, fertile donor and husband’s sperm.

That’s the weird part I suppose. No getting around it – after our first meeting the clinic will match us with a donor who is blue eyed, blond’ish, slim and about my height. They’ll check that she is healthy and of sound mind. We’ll never find out who she is or see a photograph. We just need to rely on the clinic to do their part (and this is where the wonderful world of internet reviews come in….Madrid is a good place for blue eyed donors as there are plenty of international students from Poland, Ukraine, Lithuania and other blonde countries).

Anyway, I’m less concerned about physiological factors. I firmly believe that if we’re lucky enough to get pregnant the baby will be ‘mine’, hair colour or otherwise. The study of epigenetics has shown that much more goes into ‘building a baby’ than DNA. Our (imaginary, at this stage) baby will be loved and cared for, and we’ll tell her/him about the helpful donor when he/she is old enough to understand. I think that’s all that really matters. Who knows if we’ll make it that far? We just want to give it our best try.

Our first appointment will be on 21st September. In the meantime I remain (cautiously) optimistic, (quietly) hopeful and even (a bit) excited.

15 thoughts on “Plan B(aby)

  1. Emma says:

    I am so excited for you! You have an excellent chance to finally have your family. I look forward to hearing about the journey on the way. Reading your blog, I can see you’ve had such a long road and you need the universe to give you a break. I really hope this is the one for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The EcoFeminist says:

    Thinking good thoughts for you and will be keeping an eye on your blog to see how your DEIVF goes as our schedules are pretty similar!! I start on Lupron on August 24 and Delestrogen September 9, with the embryo transfer the first week of October. Anonymous donor was our choice as well and we’re kind of digging the epigenetics as well (great link btw!). Funny, I met with a gal who did DEIVF (successfully) and she’s like “oh that stuff is bullshit” and she was soooo negative about the whole thing, so needless to say I’m trying to surround myself with positive folks instead 🙂 Will be interesting to watch how it’s done on your side of the world – how expensive/cheap is it?


    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Great – we have our first appointment in Sept but it’s unlikely we’ll get started straight away – hopefully you’ll have your BFP long before me! Interesting that your friend thinks epigenetics is BS when she has a donor egg child…seems rather odd, and it’s easy to be negative when you already have a baby in your arms, right?! I have been thoroughly brainwashed by the ‘Mindfulness’ book and try to stay positive as much as possible (I mean, what’s the alternative? Give up and collapse into a crying heap at the unfairness of life?!).
      Our insurance company is paying half towards our donor cycle, which is pretty amazing. It will cost about 7000 euros, not including flights and accommodation, so we’ll pay half of that. I’ve heard it’s a lot more expensive in the US – I think some Americans even fly over to Spain/Czech Republic/Greece for treatment.


      • The EcoFeminist says:

        That’s great to hear about insurance. Our grand total is $18K and our insurance is only covering the birth control and delestrogen (the latter I guess is used for menopausal women, so just like when I used Femara which is used for breast cancer, I’ll probably get those looks of pity from the pharmacist LOL).

        PS – that lady i referred to wasn’t my friend, just a person I’d reached out to who I heard had done DEIVF 🙂


  3. nzchick15 says:

    So glad I found this blog as we have just been given the news that donor eggs is our best option for a successful pregnancy after 6 failed embryo transfers and 3 miscarriages. I’m still grieving the loss of my own failed eggs but hope to move forward soon. I look forward to following your journey- all the very best of luck!


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