Feeling irrationally annoyed and a bit disappointed

Sorry in advance for the mini-vent.

We had our egg transfer this morning – everything went fine, they transferred 2 embryos – 1 x 5BB and 1 x 5AC.

Out of our 9 successfully fertilised embryos, 2 were ready for transfer today (blastocysts, see above), and there are 4 are currently classified as ‘early blastocysts’. The other 3 are bust. The clinic will wait until tomorrow to see if any of these are suitable for freezing.According to the doctor, we could have between 0 and 4.

I know I’m going to sound like a whiny cow here but I feel annoyed. I really hoped (believed) that using an egg donor would produce fantastic embryos. I felt sure that we’d have at least 2 perfect embryos by day 5. And yet….here we are with 2 ‘ok’ embryos (5BB and 5AC are the worst I’ve ever had on a transfer day…and this is my 6th, yes, 6th transfer). Worse still, I’m worried we’ll have none left for the freezer tomorrow. ‘Early blastocyst’ does not bode well. If they aren’t fully formed by day 5 then they are slow and therefore suck.

How did we start off with 12 eggs and end up here?

This isn’t my usual modus operandi. We’ve always done really well at fertilisation/growth/getting to blastocyst. I’m not used to a puny 1:6 ratio.

Anyway I realise I am being slightly irrational because obviously  her eggs are better than mine (given that she is 15 years younger) and obviously the main thing is that I get pregnant. One of my most hated phrases in IVF (along with ‘baby dust’ and ‘sticky vibes’) is IT ONLY TAKES ONE. I know it only takes one. I’m just gutted because after all the time, money and effort I truly hoped that I’d be feeling happy on day 5. Instead I feel annoyed, frustrated and totally over it all.

I’ll update tomorrow with news from the freezer. I’m not hopeful unfortunately.

 

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18 thoughts on “Feeling irrationally annoyed and a bit disappointed

  1. thegreatpuddingclubhunt says:

    I get why you feel like this, I would feel exactly the same in your position. I’m so sorry this has happened, I will wish and hope for you that these four catch up super quick.

    I’m not sure this is much consolation, but, I have read good research that indicates that embryos frozen on Day 6 are considered to have no significant different outcome to Day 5 embryos.

    Good luck with the “two week wait”! How much more time are you spending in Madrid?

    Ps. You are not alone – I hate baby dust too 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Courtney says:

    I get it. I do.

    But… 😉

    My 5BB, frozen on day 6, embryo is climbing on me right now, begging for my phone. Your 5AC is actually great. My RE says that the first letter is most important because that’s the grade of the cells that will become the baby, and the second letter is no big deal because “the placenta cells will just grow more.”. We used all of our perfect embryos for fresh transfers (4 of them over 2 transfers) and got one baby. We used 4 imperfect embryos over 2 FETs and got… 1 baby. You just never know.

    I am thinking you’ll have 2 in the freezer.

    But I get it. I was the SAME way with our second fresh cycle. I was so upset with the numbers, because my first cycle created so many embryos (2 transferred, 7 frozen…. No babies) and the second gave us so many fewer (2 transferred, 2 frozen, 2 babies). Funny how we know not to freak out, yet…. We do.

    Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Babyscienceproject says:

    Thank you for the kind words – and it gives me hope that your 5BB is now creating christmas ornaments! (I’ve been reading your blog 🙂 I need to pull myself together a bit. IVF has a horrible habit of building your hopes up to irrational/unobtainable levels. I need a reality check! Anyway, I apppreciate the good wishes x

    Like

  4. Emma says:

    My friend Sunny did 6 failed cycles of IVF before moving to donor eggs. She spent around $20000 travelling to South Africa for a donor cycle. Had a 20 year old donor. Only two embryos made it as far as transfer. Two. She’s now 18 weeks with twins. I am also pregnant with twins from my 3rd IVF stim cycle, 8th transfer. The second embryo was ‘slow and ugly’ but still took. I also know a number of women pregnant from day 6 blasts. Do please don’t dismiss slightly slower embryos.

    Good luck. Let’s hope the precious cargo you are carrying is your take home Bub. (Or two!)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The EcoFeminist says:

    Girl I’m with you!!! Our donor made *TWENTY* eggs and we had 13 blastocysts (5 in great shape or whatever the fancy terminology is), yet my first transfer was a bust. Feeling like I don’t deserve to whine but if THAT was the best of the best embryo, what does it mean for the rest of the baker’s dozen? It’s an effed up crazy process, that’s why we write 🙂

    BTW, what irked me was learning after the fact that before they get frozen you can actually have your embryos genetically tested to see if they have any chromosomal abnormalities – which I’ve learned is one of the primary reasons an embryo doesn’t attach to the uterus (which would eliminate any ‘pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside’ embryos from consideration before transfer). Now that they’re frozen? Nothing can be done. And with the mental anguish of IVF and infertility in general, I’m not sure what I’ll do if the 2nd transfer in early February doesn’t work. Feels like the embryos will just be put in one of those lottery ball machines and they’re just going to pick whatever pops up, LOL…

    Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. My favorite? Hot stone massage!

    Whining is good. Gotta get this off your chest!

    Like

    • Courtney says:

      Hi there. My embryologist offered to thaw my blasts, screen them, and then transfer the next day and freeze the rest (again). They also offered to do that and refreeze them all. I asked about thawing twice and they said that’s no longer a concern. Have you asked if they can screen on the day and get results within 24 hours in time for transfer?

      Like

    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Glad to hear I’m not the only one…we can be in a whining circle. 13 blastocysts from 20 eggs is pretty bloody amazing by the way. You are quite right though, it seems like a total lottery. After a bit of manic Googling I found women who got pregnant with 1 x day 2 embryo, a 3BB, 1 x 3 day embryo, all sorts of different things. Probably not worth getting worked up about the ‘grading’ really. Good luck to you in February, I know the PGD would have been good but you might as well hope for the best and stick your hand in the lottery ball machine :/

      Liked by 1 person

  6. howwouldyoulikeyoureggs says:

    Try to not read into it too much. We had “top quality” embryos transferred and that didn’t work! I really hope you get good news from the freezer and those little balls of cells are multiplying in your belly. Take care of yourself.

    Like

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