Thanks to doctor’s orders I enjoyed a ‘restful’* three days at home this week and only returned to the office this morning. Guess what also returned? The bleeding.
I feel strangely ok about it. It’s not too heavy and it’s mainly brown (I apologise to all the delicate flowers out there. This is what IVF does to a person. You become desensitized to gross, personal things like brown vaginal bleeding).
I don’t have any pain. I still have humungaboobs (thanks to Zara for that excellent word) and I am still nauseous. I do believe I am still pregnant.
I just feel sad that bleeding is going to be an ongoing part of this pregnancy. It’s stressful, scary and I feel like I’m on DEFCON 1 alert. Let’s rename it BLEEDCON 1 for comedy value. I spoke to our doctor this morning and explained the situation. I don’t want to panic anymore, I don’t want to go back to A&E and I also don’t want to keep pestering the poor man. So I pitched him my idea – I am going to carry on as normal (ie, ignore the bleeding) until my next scan, which is the end of next week.
Obviously I need to call him urgently if the bleeding becomes really heavy or I’m in pain. In the interim though I am going to grin and bear it. I’m going to keep calm and carry on. I’m going to think positive – I’ll trudge my way to the end of next week and have a completely normal 8+3 week scan.
I’m also going to try my best to rest. It’s not easy for me – I walk everywhere (I usually manage to rack up about 15 km per day) and I love yoga and running. I’m not going to do any of those things, even though I have been stuffing my face for the last 10 days and am yearning to burn off some calories. I’m battling years and years of inbuilt programming to force myself to DO ZERO and EAT LOADS. Luckily I have mainly been craving nuts, fruit and complex carbs like jacket potatoes and baked beans. MMMMM baked beans, lovely lovely lovely baked beans.
Where was I? OK – so for mental health reasons I am going to ignore the bleeding and carry on with my life. I am also going to take it easy where possible. I am going to make it to the next scan and everything will be fine. This is my manifesto.
* I am a poor rester. I actually went to the supermarket and did lots of work at home.