‘Facebook official’ – bleeeuaagh

  

Since becoming pregnant I have been targeted- targeted! – by infantilising, weird baby talk. Pink websites telling me to ‘make time for me time’, comparing babies to fruit and reminding me not to ‘forget about hubby!’. It’s like being transported back in time. I’m almost 40 years old. I have a career. I have a Masters degree. I do not need to read about taking care of my husband’s needs in oversized Comic Sans font. He takes care of his own needs – he’s an adult human being.

I managed to find one website which is sensibly written by professional midwifery staff – the Tommys page. Most others (‘What to Expect’, ‘Bounty’ etc) are full of exclamation marks and make me want to punch my phone.

Anyway somewhat related to this is the need to go ‘Facebook official’. The fact that this is even a phrase, and therefore a ‘thing’, says it all really. It kind of makes me want to puke. I mainly hate Facebook, it’s full of humble bragging – perfectly edited  posts about someone’s yoga class, gifted children or expensive holiday. It’s self indulgent and frankly weird, nobody would put up with such ‘look at MEEE’ism in real life. #blessed incites rage. Yet it’s also strangely compelling – ooh look, Julie from sixth form has a new lawn mower!

SO – what is my point exactly. Well, husband and I have friends and family scattered all over the world. We are not going to be able to call everyone and tell them our news. It would be easier to post something on Facebook – but then I’m caving in to everything outlined in the paragraph above. It’s also a massive ‘in your face’ to all our contacts who would love to be pregnant but aren’t, for various private reasons of their own. Tough one. I’m going to think about it over the next few days. Maybe people don’t actually need to know? Maybe they really don’t care? Perhaps they would prefer to live in blissful ignorance, as we all used to in the early 90s. Whatever we decide to do, it will not involve comparing babies to fruit.

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18 thoughts on “‘Facebook official’ – bleeeuaagh

  1. Courtney says:

    With Matthew, I want active on fb so felt no need to announce my pregnancy there. I had a fb account but hasn’t gotten into it, and not because I hated it or anything, it just wasn’t a thing with me. And then… He was born. My first post was 7/18 and he’d been born at the end of June. No one outside family and close friends knew I was even pregnant, and the surprise was fun but I regret not posting my pregnancy. And here is why…

    You can print your fb feed into a beautiful bound book called mysocialbook. I now do this annually and I have all of the kids adventures and records in a book that I didn’t really have to maintain. I posted things to fb, decided who could see each thing, and BAM – instant baby book. It truly is the best thing ever. I only posted pics of Matthew once every few weeks for his first 6 months, another regret. Bryson’s pregnancy is documented (I never posted fruit comparisons, just random stuff about how I was feeling) and so many more things were captured with his early babyhood because I learned with Matthew to post more.

    So I say make it FB official, even if it’s a private post that only you can see, and start documenting there. I promise you, you will be glad you did because you forget the cute little things they do, but fb does not.

    Just because you struggled to get pregnant does not mean you can’t enjoy being pregnant and being a mom on social media. I was very sensitive to how we presented being pregnant and often acknowledged those still struggling, but I also acted like a “normal” mom in enjoying my kids and sharing our adventures. Remember, people can decide to not get updates from you on fb, so you do what you want to do. We’re all adults who can shield ourselves if need be. Just make your announcement sensitive, people really appreciate that.

    But don’t hate on fb. You’ll learn to LOVE it!

    Like

    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Thanks – I dunno though. It just isn’t me. I rarely post anything and I don’t see that changing once the babies arrive. I doubt I’ll be curating a ‘social book’! It’s nice that you were able to do that but just not my cup of tea. Perhaps I’ll use this blog instead and stick with my current rule about social media, ie, mainly avoid.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Terrakna - She of Advanced Maternal Age says:

    That’s hilarious. Why do they always compare the little guy to fruit? My favorite was the banana. As if he finally thinned out and started wearing spandex.

    I get your point about Facebook, but found it a very convenient way to tell all the people who would be interested that I was pregnant. And, while I also feared that I would alienate someone who has been trying for a baby and just cannot get pregnant, I was that person for a very long time. You just learn that pregnancy announcements are a part of life and you can always block those person’s updates from your stream if they are painful.

    Like

  3. Babyscienceproject says:

    A banana?! That is weird indeed. It’s like we silly women can’t cope with actual measurements – I know what 55cm is – I don’t need to be told it’s a kiwi fruit! FB is convenient but I usually never post anything so if we do announce it will be a couple of lines and then no more baby stuff. It’s all just a bit too cringe for me.

    Like

  4. EmilyMaine says:

    Lol I did a really subtle announcement on Facebook this time – it was more a buried in a post about something else announcement so only those reading closely caught it. A few weeks later I posted something about the baby moving at 16 weeks and I got a lot of “I didn’t know!!”. Another ttc blogger I followed just did their announcement and they talked about their journey and how their thought are with others also on this path which I thought was really nice and considerate of them. I have friends who don’t announce at all and then someone else mentions it in a comment thread and that’s how people work it out. I don’t think there is a right or wrong. Just do what makes you happy! X

    Liked by 1 person

    • Babyscienceproject says:

      It’s nice to be able to reference IVF and the struggle etc but unfortunately that’s even MORE ‘not me’. The idea of sharing deeply personal stuff on FB horrifies me. I admire people who can share their deepest thoughts with their friends/colleagues/neighbours/school mates but I prefer to remain slightly mysterious. I guess that’s why I have this somewhat anonymous blog. I think it’s also a British thing. Good for her though, she’s brave!

      Liked by 1 person

      • EmilyMaine says:

        Yeah I do know what you mean. i have mentioned our IVF struggle before but I don’t do it every day or with everything. Only where there is relevance. I didn’t for our announcement but might when we have baby safely in our arms as that will be such a significant moment. 🙂

        Like

  5. stealingnectar says:

    I didn’t announce this time (on Facebook). I did announce a few miscarriages ago at 16 weeks…and then had an appointment at 16.5 and my son didn’t have a heartbeat. So, I had to do an un-announcement, which was really difficult but good in the end because I didn’t have to personally face everyone and tell them about the miscarriage. However, it wasn’t fear that stopped me from announcing this time (at least not overwhelmingly). More like what you are describing, I decided not to announce because of a) the other people struggling with all sorts of infertility and b) the fact that doing an announcement felt too superficial to me at the moment. And, although that sounds judgmental, I honestly believe it’s up to the individual. The experiences that led me to this place and this decision, are not the experiences of others and I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. We also have friends and family all over the place so we took our time calling and texting people to tell them when we were ready. It actually felt very personal and fun to enjoy the individual conversations I had with loved ones, and I don’t regret at all that some Facebook friends may not know until our son is born. Another thought that someone else mentioned – if an announcement is done, I personally have been really touched by those women who announce and take a moment to say something about all of those struggling. It’s so compassionate and considerate. So, I love this blog post and agree with others that you should do what makes you happy! Enjoy and congrats again!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Wow that is tough – an ‘unannouncement’. Poor you – not surprised that you steered clear this time around. Everyone is different I guess. I think the people I know would wonder if my account had been hacked/my body had been taken over by aliens if I shared a deeply personal, cheesy baby announcement with the world.

      Liked by 1 person

      • stealingnectar says:

        Yes. I understand. I feel like the older I get, the less cheesy I am compelled to be, which is a good thing I guess. I also think that I was so into the cheese the other time that now I am sort of anti-cheese. No baby showers, no announcements, no gender reveal party…I promise I am not just bitter but I don’t feel like I can do it all genuinely anymore. I just want to celebrate with a small group of loved ones and move on to loving him when he arrives.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Emma says:

    Announcing on Facebook was a simple matter for me. I couldn’t tell everyone any other way, and I’m too lazy to have to explain it to people over and over again. I just took a picture of two pairs of white booties next to a portrait of myself and dh and posted it with heading – May 2016, 2 becomes 4.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nara says:

    I’ve never been in the position to announce. When I was pregnant, I said I wasn’t going to say anything about it on FB until I was about 5-6 months pregnant and even then, maybe never. I think we were intending to announce if the baby was born, but had no plans to do it before. I’m glad we didn’t now as I couldn’t have faced unannouncing. Also I’m still off FB! I might go back but I had a quick look yesterday and it was covered in pregnancy and birth announcements, so I thought maybe not!

    I’m also British so maybe it’s a British thing. I do have British friends who announce but it’s usually less of a “thing” than those with American influences.

    That said, if I ever get pregnant I kind of feel like I should be able to enjoy those parts… I don’t think people should feel guilty for being pregnant. I just don’t know how I would do it, knowing my history. But I don’t see why others shouldn’t do it – I just unfollow them.

    Speaking of which, I had a nice message from a FB friend who knows why I’m off FB. He said they were going to announce their pregnancy soon (around 6 months!) and wanted to tell me in advance. I thought it was really nice of him but also felt kinda bad that they might feel worried about hurting me! I’ve said many times – my infertility isn’t anyone else’s fault, and they shouldn’t feel bad for their fertility. I just have to protect myself as best I can.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Maria says:

    Have been following your journey for some time now:)I had twins via IVF 18 months ago. Announced with a photo 1 week before I had them, only allowing real life friends to see the photo. The rest (acquaintances etc) were excluded. Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck with the double trouble, I also raise my twins in a 2 bed central London flat whilst now being back to work full time.It can be a challenge;)) Ps: I also had my Harmony test in a Harley street place, your post reminded me so much of that day, it was February 2 years ago:)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. notabroodychick says:

    The fruit analogies always made me chuckle at the ridiculousness but some were strange and obviously American terms I didn’t recognise. I never did a formal FB announcement, it never felt right to. I just let the news seep out as people started seeing the odd picture with a little bump showing. The people I cared about knowing we had already told.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. the longest journey says:

    Whatever you decide is the best option. I know that I always prefer to find out about my friends pregnancies via a text or phone call rather than on FB, but I also don’t mind when others put their announcements out there in Facebook land. I do always find it quite comical when friends don’t announce on FB or put any pregnancy pictures on FB and then put out a photo of their newborns and the comment section goes crazy. 🙂 xo

    Liked by 1 person

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