Captain Megaboobs and the Quest for the Perfect Boulder Holder

Today I am 16 weeks and 5 days still-pregnant! Can’t quite believe we’ve made it this far. I am starting to resemble a pregnant woman and I’m pleased to say the last couple of weeks have been quite uneventful. So, what’s been going on?….


I’ve always been a winner in the boob department with a generous-but-manageable 32DD pair. Well, things have changed quite rapidly over the past few weeks and my normal bras were struggling to cope. Where the hell does all this extra boob come from?! I decided to visit John Lewis for some bra advice. John Lewis is a classic no-nonsense British department store frequented by middle class Timothys  and Jemimas. 

Well, the rude woman on the lingerie counter assured me it would be AT LEAST 40 minutes before anyone could measure me properly, said in the world’s loudest voice. ‘HOW BIG ARE YOU NORMALLY?’, she boomed. ’32DD’, I squeaked in front of the interested group of husbands/boyfriends waiting outside the changing room. ‘LET’S HAVE A QUICK LOOK’….she stared intently at my boobs through my clothes….’THEY DON’T LOOK MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT TO ME. TAKE IN SOME 34DDs’. So, I shamefacedly wandered over to the maternity bra rack whilst everyone in the vicinity made their own judgement as to whether I’m a 32DD or a 34DD.

Is there anything worse than trying on bras in a harshly lit changing room? Maybe bikinis. Bikinis are probably worse. Anyway 40 bras later I still had side boob popping out all over the place and I had stopped looking at myself in the mirror as I was in danger of permanently losing my mojo. There’s no way I am a 34DD. A kindly shop assistant took pity on me away from the prying eyes of Ms Foghorn from the front desk. She couldn’t  officially measure me (why? Who knows) but she could see that I needed a much bigger size. She brought me a selection of non-underwired enormous granny bras in a 34F. Two whole cup sizes bigger than my usual bra! Anyway, one fitted perfectly. It fits like a massive glove. Here’s what it looks like…it’s so comfy and yet so matronly. I can also use it to carry groceries home from the supermarket if I don’t have a bag with me.

‘SEE YOU IN A FEW WEEKS’ boomed the bra nazi as I left. Eh?! ‘OUR PREGNANT LADIES COME BACK FOR BIGGER AND BIGGER BRAS ALL THE TIME’. Great! Something to look forward to. 


I’ve had 2 quick scans over the last 2 weeks and I’m pleased to report that both babies are doing fine. Both are the size they should be. One of them – we call her ‘Big Val’ – apparently looks like a girl. She seems to have loads of room down there and is always the first one on view, doing spins and waving ‘hello!’ as soon as the U/S wand hits my belly. The other baby is tucked away behind her and he looks squashed and a bit pissed off. We call him ‘Richie McCaw’ after the All Blacks rugby captain. Richie may well be a girl – it’s hard to see the lower part of his body. He’s rather mysterious and I’m sure Big Val must be getting on his nerves by now.

We will have a ‘proper’ scan at 20 weeks so we’ll know more then. In the meantime our doc wants to keep an eye on my cervix which is currently 37mm long…anything under 35mm is a bit of a worry. I’ve decided to take a ‘glass half full/cervix 2 mms bigger’ approach to this and NOT worry yet. Fed up of worrying about everything! I keep reminding myself that millions of women have babies every single day without the benefit of multiple scans and visits with world class obstetricians. Chill out Winston – as my 12 year old self would have said.


I haven’t posted (or taken) any bump photos so far so here’s one for your viewing pleasure, see below. We went on a nice day trip to Broadstairs in Kent yesterday. As you don’t know what I looked like before I was pregnant please just imagine the same woman with smaller boobs and no bump. Ta  dah! I’m still in the ‘she ate all the pies’ phase rather than the ‘blooming pregnancy’ phase. I’m also still wearing my normal jeans…with an elastic hair bobble doing up the button. No mu-mus for me yet.



17 thoughts on “Captain Megaboobs and the Quest for the Perfect Boulder Holder

  1. EmilyMaine says:

    Awwwww you look GREAT! Nice work on still fitting into your jeans. That was a pipe dream for me from very early on. I fall pregnant and my pelvis SPREADS. Your boobies probably will get bigger still but don’t worry, you will still use the nursing bras you buy now. After the initial ‘oh my gosh these knockers are ginormous’ milk coming in phase they calm right down and eventually you shrink back down a bit even though you are still feeding. Trust me, all the bras get a work out. I have more maternity bras than normal bras but once baby was here I needed to wear one at night too and your boobs leak so you are washing them frequently yada yada. So pleased all is going well. You sound happy and well – yay!


    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Thank you …good to hear about the bras, the woman in the shop shocked me with her ‘bigger and bigger’ comment! I think I’ll need a supply of cheap maternity bras, my regular bras have definitely been resigned to the back of the drawer for a while. Quite amazing how quickly my body has changed. Am enjoying my jeans for now but I think it’s only a matter of time before I’m in leggings for the foreseeable future 😳


  2. Nara says:

    You look absolutely fab! Definitely preggers not fat! ☺️ Glad everything is going well. John Lewis foghorn woman sounds hilarious – don’t know how you managed to keep it together. Well done!


  3. Ash Davidson says:

    Ha! Loved the description of the bubs, awesome nicknames! And wow, I didn’t realise length of the cervix was even ‘a thing’ so there you go, learn something new every day. Great bump pic, you look fantastic!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. the longest road says:

    I hated the “pie” phase. It took so much to get pregnant that I really wanted to look that way. Good job on the jeans. I tried the hair tie and it didn’t work for me. I got maternity jeans before I really needed them but even then, they were SO MUCH more comfortable. I hated any sort of pressure on my belly. Glad you are all doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The EcoFeminist says:

    Aww, great rack!! 🙂 Well I’ll eat pie in honor of you before our transfer in 10 days, as I’ve got an “emotional eating” belly that I occasionally rub as if our RE has already gotten us knocked up…

    On a side note, actually been to that neck of the woods, had a terribly tumultuous long distance relationship with a bloke out in the Birchington area years ago, visited there during that awful snowstorm of December 2010. Luckily that ended and 2 months later met my future husband, but do want to visit Kent again someday as that was (even in the snow with a burgeoning alcoholic with a bad temper) so pretty. Great happy photo of you!


    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Birchington is just down the coast from where we were! Sounds like you visited under horrible circumstances – you should definitely come back one summer. Kent is lovely. Please feel free to eat pie in my honour, I’m eating everything in sight in my own honour at the moment 🍰🍰

      Liked by 1 person

  6. maybebaby says:

    Looking fab! I love reading your witty, honest posts.. Your such a great writer. Maybe you could publish your blog into a book?- Ild buy it!


  7. lisaslovelyplace says:

    It’s the ever challenging mission. I am popping out of my F size 😤 nursing bras I purchased…. Not entirely but enough that I need to go shopping and get fitted. Again. 19.5 weeks down ☺️ 20.5 weeks to go.


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