35+4 weeks – the Cautious Countdown Commences

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So here I am….amazingly still pregnant. If all goes to plan these babies will arrive by C-section on 15th August, just 10 days from now. I’m nervous, grateful and excited all rolled into one. It has been a long, long road to get here.

There’s something about an IVF pregnancy that makes you doubly, trebly, quadrupully anxious. I’m scared of the ‘jinx’. I’ve avoided talking about these babies too much – at least in real life, not on this blog. I’ve been waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I’ve been expecting a big ‘yahh boo’ from the universe in return for getting my hopes up. And yet here we are, nearly at the end. And I’m still worried something will go awry.

I read sad news from fellow blogger The EcoFeminist this morning. I’ve been in her shoes and it is a hateful, angry, lonely place. There’s really nothing anyone can say or do to make it better. ‘Don’t give up’ is not good advice. Quite frankly many people do give up and it’s the right thing to do. Infertility is all consuming; it’s like a black hole of relationships, hope and money. Sometimes there is a happy ending – oftentimes there is not. Obviously I’m glad  we decided to keep trying but I’m not sure how I would have coped with another loss. You put your mental health and happiness on the line every time you have another spin on the wheel of fortune.

So, in a nutshell, this incredible twin pregnancy is a result of:

  • 2 years of ‘trying naturally’ with OPKs
  • 5 back to back cycles of own-egg IVF
  • 1 frozen egg cycle
  • 2 miscarriages
  • 1 donor egg cycle in Spain
  • 1 hideous first trimester of heavy bleeding
  • 1 very short cervix and 1 magical rubber pessary
  • Thousands of £ sterling
  • Many, many hours of tears, terror and hopefulness

And we’re almost there. I will say no more! I don’t want to jinx it (even though ‘jinx’ is a silly, childish concept). I just can’t wait to see these much-wished for babies in my husband’s arms on 15th August. Wish us luck.

 

 

 

 

 

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23 thoughts on “35+4 weeks – the Cautious Countdown Commences

  1. ramblesandstruggles says:

    I have everything crossed for you for the next few weeks. For me what you have said here:

    There’s really nothing anyone can say or do to make it better. ‘Don’t give up’ is not good advice. Quite frankly many people do give up and it’s the right thing to do. Infertility is all consuming, it’s like a black hole of relationships, hope and money. Sometimes there is a happy ending – oftentimes there is not.

    Hit’s home hugely and I couldn’t agree more with your post. All the best xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Emma says:

    Good luck. It will be lovely! If your babies go to special care, embrace it and make the most of the nurses and midwives who can provide advice and guidance. And get as much rest as you can. Once they come home youll need it! My baby twins are 12 weeks old and wonderful. I wouldnt change a thing. Be flexible, ask for help and always look after yourself first. No one eats till mum has eaten. No one gets up till mum has had some sleep. Its critical. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nara says:

    I am rooting for you and I believe your twins will be here in a few days! That’s crazy to think! So excited for you. I hope the birth goes well and that you have a restful last few days before you enter chaos! 😂 Thank you for sharing the struggles you took to get here. X

    Like

  4. Courtney says:

    You are so right, “don’t give up,” is so unhelpful. More people need to say that it’s OK to give up. Because it is. Like you, I’m glad I didn’t have to, but I also know I got lucky.

    I was worried up until the moment that they cut me open. I was pregnant when a very popular blogger lost one of her twins hours before the scheduled section while in the hospital. She was definitely not the norm and I knew that what happened to her was so rare (baby was very sick), but it haunted me even as they wheeled me into the operating room. We can’t forget the things that impact us greatly. In this community, that can be a real problem with all of the tragedy we witness surrounding baby making and pregnancy.

    Best of luck to you!!!! And make sure your husband holds the camera by your face, pointing up, for when they first show each baby to you! Our photographer told Brian to do that and I have that first image, from MY view, to look back on for each of my boys. It’s very special!

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    • Babyscienceproject says:

      Thank you – that is a horrible story but I’ve read similar things online and I’ve got a vivid imagination anyway! That’s what infertility does to you :/ . Great suggestion about the baby pics, I will pass that on to the photographer (ie, husband) x

      Like

      • Courtney says:

        Yes. I knew about every possibility before that tragedy happened, because it’s what we do. You have two healthy babies in there, and I’m sure you’re all going to be fine, but of course you still worry. Come on, August 15!!!!

        Like

  5. Single motherhood by choice says:

    I definitely felt that fear too and even now can’t believe I’ve been this lucky. I think those of us who have been trying to conceive for a long time really appreciate what a miracle it is to have a healthy baby – I figure that makes us feel even more blessed than the average parent, which is no bad thing. That moment they pull an outraged baby (or two) out of you is absolutely, absolutely amazing – enjoy it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. EmilyMaine says:

    I felt exactly the same during my pregnancy. Like the universe would hear my joy and try to steal it away. Ugh. Crappy feeling. You have done so well to make it this far with twinnies on board. Home stretch now! Yay! Wishing you a smooth delivery and healthy happy babies X

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Supportive observer! says:

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

    I hope that you get your week of rest and productivity that it’s a magical transition from being a family of two to a family of four.

    I’ve got so much from reading your blog – thank you again! I wish you every success on the 15th and will have everything crossed for you. Wowsers – that’s today. Obviously my version of the blog hasn’t been updating properly. Everything crossed here for a safe, happy and wonderful day, today.

    Like

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