Feeling irrationally annoyed and a bit disappointed

Sorry in advance for the mini-vent.

We had our egg transfer this morning – everything went fine, they transferred 2 embryos – 1 x 5BB and 1 x 5AC.

Out of our 9 successfully fertilised embryos, 2 were ready for transfer today (blastocysts, see above), and there are 4 are currently classified as ‘early blastocysts’. The other 3 are bust. The clinic will wait until tomorrow to see if any of these are suitable for freezing.According to the doctor, we could have between 0 and 4.

I know I’m going to sound like a whiny cow here but I feel annoyed. I really hoped (believed) that using an egg donor would produce fantastic embryos. I felt sure that we’d have at least 2 perfect embryos by day 5. And yet….here we are with 2 ‘ok’ embryos (5BB and 5AC are the worst I’ve ever had on a transfer day…and this is my 6th, yes, 6th transfer). Worse still, I’m worried we’ll have none left for the freezer tomorrow. ‘Early blastocyst’ does not bode well. If they aren’t fully formed by day 5 then they are slow and therefore suck.

How did we start off with 12 eggs and end up here?

This isn’t my usual modus operandi. We’ve always done really well at fertilisation/growth/getting to blastocyst. I’m not used to a puny 1:6 ratio.

Anyway I realise I am being slightly irrational because obviously  her eggs are better than mine (given that she is 15 years younger) and obviously the main thing is that I get pregnant. One of my most hated phrases in IVF (along with ‘baby dust’ and ‘sticky vibes’) is IT ONLY TAKES ONE. I know it only takes one. I’m just gutted because after all the time, money and effort I truly hoped that I’d be feeling happy on day 5. Instead I feel annoyed, frustrated and totally over it all.

I’ll update tomorrow with news from the freezer. I’m not hopeful unfortunately.