6dp5dt – today is not a good day

I woke up this morning (6dp5dt) feeling completely normal. My boobs, which have been slightly bigger than their usual selves over the last week or so, have returned to normal size. The bloating has gone. The insomnia has gone. Even the weird dreams have gone. I’m actually giving myself sore boobs from trying to find soreness (yes, I’m a mad woman).

I’ve convinced myself that this cycle is a bust. I stupidly did the maths last night and the statistical likelihood of this cycle working is slim to none. I scared myself even though this isn’t ‘new news’ – I’ve always known this. My entire year-long IVF journey has been a constant mental battle of statistical reality vs hopefulness. Today is a day where the stats are winning and I am feeling a complete lack of hope.

I’m not going to test early. If I test early I won’t trust the result, and I’ll feel worse. So I’m just going to keep on losing my mind and my mojo until Saturday.