Day 5 scan – feeling deflated

Well, I’m feeling a little disappointed this morning. Had a day 5 scan and looks like there are only 4-5 follicles growing. My left ovary is almost totally asleep.

So frustrating, I had 10 follicles in my last cycle (which we didn’t use as it was a frozen cycle) and 7 the time before. I’ve had 4-5 day 5 follicles in the past, back in the days when I knew nothing about IVF and was living in blissful oblivion of DHEA, CoQ10 and all the other ‘magical cures’ I’ve been chugging. My effort with diet, supplements, gallons of water etc don’t seem to have made any difference.

There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, my blood work has been almost exactly the same for each cycle. It’s the good old IVF ROLL OF THE DICE again. The doctor said it’s normal to have fluctuation between cycles and ‘it only takes one’, blah blah blah. I know it only takes one but I’m fed-up. I feel like a failure again. Aren’t we due some good luck by now? Why me? Why us? Why is God/Allah/the Universe not cutting us some slack?

We’ve decided to go ahead as planned. I’m worried if I cancel this cycle I’ll have 2 follicles next time, or maybe none at all, and will regret missing this opportunity. I’m also not getting any younger. I asked the doctor what he would do and he pointed out that he doesn’t have a crystal ball, but that we only really need one good embryo. That’s true, but what we really need is one positive pregnancy test. Hopefully┬ámy measly follicles will produce THE one this time around.