5 weeks (still) pregnant

I caved into paranoia and madwoman-itis this morning and went for another blood test. It was a secret blood test, done in a furtive manner at a ‘secret’ clinic without the knowledge of my doctor. He is normal and not at all mad/paranoid so I knew he wouldn’t agree to a 2nd beta. He didn’t even agree to the 1st one really.

Anyway…drum roll please….5460 HCG.

Today I am exactly 5 weeks by weird pregnancy reckoning (they add on 2 weeks pre-transfer), or if you prefer, 21 DPO, 16dp5dt.

5460 is a pretty high number.  According to BetaBase it’s in the ‘twins’ range and a few of my dear readers have also mentioned this. I have to say, the T word fills me with dread. Other people (my doctor included), say the HCG number is meaningless and indicates nothing. I think I prefer those people.

I’m going to stay away from the secret clinics for the next few weeks. First scan will be in week 7 (w/c 18 January) so let’s hope I make it that far.Hopefully the scan will reveal all.

In the meantime I will try to stay pregnant. I feel pretty good really – a few headaches (don’t normally get those) and very thirsty. ‘Dry January’ is an excellent cover story for my current booze dodging too, rather well timed!

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12dp5dt – test day

  
I can’t believe it!

I was convinced my period was on its way. Convinced. I didn’t want to look at the test this morning. Now….this. I know we have an enormously long way to go but I am going to allow myself to be excited today. This is a fantabulouciously good start!

Now I need to convince my doctor to give me a blood test. They usually don’t, but given my previous history I think he’ll agree to it. If not, I’ll go to one of those walk-in clinic things. I need to know if the number (whatever it may be) is going in he right direction.

Until then….arrrggghhg! 😀

My luxurious triple lined uterus

Happy to report that my womb lining is both ‘triple lined’ and ‘luxurious’ according to my lovely Egyptian gynaecologist. He is always enthusiastic about my uterus, which is nice.

Anyway all is looking good down below. My donor (donor C…Carmen as I like to call her) is also doing well. We’re heading to Madrid tomorrow so we’re  ready as soon as she’s  ready for egg collection. There will be lots of hanging around and waiting this week but that’s ok. I suppose there are worse places to hang around and wait than Madrid.

We’ve booked into an AirBnB place and guess what the owner’s mother is called? Carmen. Yep, we’re meeting Carmen tomorrow to pick up the keys. Karma (Carmen) or what?

Donor C – Ready for Lift Off

Some good news from the clinic today. They have found us a suitable donor! Donor C -let’s call her ‘Carmen’:

  • Blonde hair
  • Blue/green eyes
  • Fair skin
  • Slim
  • 5ft5
  • 20 years old
  • Proven fertility
  • Studying engineering at university

Hooray for engineer Carmen, she sounds great.

We’ll travel to Madrid in mid December for the egg transfer. It all feels rather strange – somewhere in Spain, a woman will now grow some eggs for us. What a kind, generous and fabulous gesture.

Our Donor – what matters and what doesn’t matter when really it ALL matters.

Our clinic emailed with news of a donor this week. Let’s call her…..donor A. Or, because she’s in Spain, let’s call her Ana.

Ana is:

  • 19 years old
  • Slim build
  • Dark blonde hair
  • Blue/green eyes
  • 5ft4
  • About to start a degree in Economics
  • A first time donor

Sounds good right? Right. Except she hasn’t donated before, and she doesn’t have any kids of her own. In donor-world, she is not ‘proven’. This is not a particularly good thing.

So, we went back to the clinic and explained that although Ana sounds great, we were really hoping for a ‘proven’ donor. So they emailed about donor B. Let’s call her Betty.

Betty is:

  • 21 years old
  • Slim build
  • Light brown hair
  • Blue eyes
  • 5ft4
  • A proven donor
  • a high school graduate – she works as a nursery nurse

So now we have a proven donor and Betty sounds great. Except – she doesn’t have a university degree. This bothers us. It particularly bothers DH, who doesn’t really believe in nurture versus nature. He gave a good example of his own (adopted) brother who sucks at maths, even though they were both brought up by the same parents (DH is good at maths, even if he does say so himself). We’re both smart people. If our child turns out to be ‘average’, would we blame Betty? I know how ridiculous that sounds.

So I emailed the clinic again….feeling whiny and high maintenance. My mum and DH reminded me that we are paying for this and that it’s ok to want someone who ticks ALL the boxes. We have a small element of ‘choice’ in this matter, even though this person is a stranger. I don’t know what to think. What is more important? Education? Height? Weight? Hair colour?! Is there a priority list? Should we make one?! What matters most when really it all matters?

The whole process feels very strange indeed. This person is the future biological mother of my child. European law does not permit us to receive photographs or too many details of the donor. We’re trusting the clinic to do their bit. I’m feeling rather meek and thankful for Ana and Betty when really I need to be strong and hold out for (hopefully) donor C – who will be perfect.

Normal FISH

  
Our Spanish donor egg clinic insisted that DHs sperm be ‘FISH tested’ – basically something involving fluorescence and DNA. We were worried about this because A. Hardly any UK clinics bother with it and B. If it came back positive, could it have been to blame for our last 5 miserably failed cycles? Is this clinic trying to frame us for a side helping of PGD?

Anyway. We handed over 500 euros and went for it. I also had a blood test for toxoplasmosis – 10 euros – bargain. I have a vague recollection that toxoplasmosis has something to do with cat shite.

Everything came back negative today – normal fish, no cat disease. All good. I guess they aren’t trying to fleece us, they just want to make sure we have a full MOT before getting on the donor bus. Ok then.