8+5 weeks pregnant – happy update

Well it’s Saturday morning so I’m writing this with some trepidation (see previous posts – all my panics happen at the weekend), but I had another scan yesterday and all is well. 

I was very nervous. I’ve been on bed rest (settee confinement) all week. I had another bout of bright red bleeding on Weds which really shocked me – how can I bleed when I’m doing nothing at all? Anyway, aside from that, the bleeding has consisted of a grumpy brown trickle for the last day or so. So I took an Uber to the hospital and listened to the Albanian driver tell me about how they drive on the right and how he doesn’t get British roundabouts and how much he hates traffic lights and ARRGGH! I am freaking out back here and trying not to bleed all over your car seat! Quiet man. Anyway, got to the hospital and did a very, very slow, hunched over shuffle to the clinic to keep things calm down there. All fine. No knicker explosions.

So – here’s the good bit. The babies are moving now! I saw both of them wobble around and wave their strange little flipper arms. Really incredible – apparently this only starts in the eighth week. They are now both 20mm long  with strong heart beats. I relayed all of this to husband who has to sit behind a blue curtain. I have no idea why but our doctor prefers that partners sit in the corner behind a curtain, like Oz, but that’s his thing. Anyway – it was a magical moment. 

The blood clot/haematoma/hemmorhage is still there….about 30mm, on side wall of my uterus. Exactly where one of my fibroids is (fibroid is inside the wall). Doc still doesn’t understand why such a relatively small haematoma is causing so much bleeding but it doesn’t seem to be affecting the babies so far. He thinks the fibroid might be making it bleed more than normal. Fibroids really are the devil’s work by the way – apparently they grow during pregnancy and I have rather a lot of them.

Anyway he has advised me to rest for another week, just to give the bleeding a chance to heal. Tough for me as I am one of those conscientious (ie workaholic) people who never takes a day off and thinks about work constantly.  I worked from the settee last week though and it was ok, so I’ll just have to do the same again. I’ve had to cancel a work trip to Paris this week and…much, much, much more worse, I won’t be able to go to New Zealand on the 10th Feb. I’m gutted. We had booked a two week holiday to visit husband’s family (he’s from NZ) and we’re looking forward to it so much. The doc thinks it’s just too risky with the bleeding though – it’s a 28 hour flight. I’m already firmly in the ‘threatened miscarriage’ category and will be until at least 12 weeks. I have a feeling my travel insurance will therefore be invalid too.

Rubbish news. I’m trying to encourage husband to go without me …or we might see if the airline will let us reschedule for another date, when we’ll hopefully have (fingers crossed) two miniature New Zealanders to introduce to everyone. Really poor timing 🤕

Finally…we said goodbye to our lovely gynaecologist yesterday. Regular readers will know what a wonderful doctor he is. We got him a card and a little present (a silk tie with tiny hieroglyphics on it from the British Museum….he’s Egyptian) and I cried as I handed it over. I’ve been crying a lot recently, mainly because I’m a nervous wreck. He has been an absolute rock and a blessing from the infertility Universe. I felt like giving him a hug but I know he only does firm handshakes so I gave him one of those instead. I hope he knows what he means to us – we couldn’t have got this far without him. Anyway we all laughed as we said goodbye because HE knows and WE both know that I will be back there tomorrow if the bleeding comes back with a vengeance. Yeah. Oh well.

We see our new Obstetrician on Friday! He comes recommended by Dr Awesome (above) so we have high hopes. An obstetrician….now I feel like a real pregnant person. 

The latest weekend terror – 8 wks

Long post alert – and rather graphic too. Avoid if you’re feeling queasy.

As mentioned in my last post I went back to work at the end of last week. On Friday I had to give an important presentation – it went well. It went very well indeed until I said goodbye to the participants and felt a warm gush. More red blood – this time flooding through the liner and soaking my tights. A truly horrible feeling.

A quick text to our doctor and I was in the stirrups within 30 mins. And there they were again – two perfectly sized blobs, two perfect heartbeats. Accompanied by lots of full flow red blood coming from….nowhere. My lining looked good, my ovaries looked good, my cervix looked good. No haematomas, no shadows. Just terrifying, inexplicable bleeding.

He instructed me to go home and rest. Take a week off work….take two weeks off work, do whatever it takes until the bleeding stops.

I wish that was the end of the story. Unfortunately not. Last night a post-dinner bathroom visit revealed a huge bleed that filled the toilet bowl with bright red blood. Even worse – I passed a couple of pretty large clots, each the size of a £2 coin. One plopped out on to the floor when I pulled my pants down and one disappeared down the toilet. I know, gross. Apologies.  I called husband and showed it to him, I just didn’t know what else to do. It was dark red and kind of liverish. Had I miscarried? Was this one of our babies? I was in a terrible state. I texted our doctor (10pm and he replied straight away! Honestly, that man….) and he asked us to come in for a scan first thing in the morning. Husband and I hugged and cried – the last couple of weeks have been horrendously stressful – for nothing. I just couldn’t believe it was over.  We talked about bad luck, trying again, failure, sadness and disappointment. I lay on an old towel in case of overflow bleeding and eventually fell into a horrible, restless sleep.

Fast forward to 10am this morning. Well…guess what. There they were again. Two blobs, one 13.5 mm and one 12.9mm, each grown a couple of millimetres since Friday. Two pounding little heart beats. I lay in the stirrups and sobbed. I have no idea how these little guys survived the last 24 hours. The bleeding has been intense, like a super heavy period. And those clots! Incredibly my lining is still intact, my cervix is fine. The doctor saw a tiny little bleed on the scan but nowhere near big enough to explain the quantity of blood. He told us that the clots can’t have been uterine tissue, they must have been congealed blood. When he pulled the U/S wand out of me a load of blood dumped on to the floor, like a horror film.

I’m back home now. Needless to say I have been instructed to rest with  capital R.E.S.T. No cooking, no laundry, no tidying up, no snack hunting. I need to lie down and only get up for the loo. I’m scared to go to the loo quite frankly but the bleeding seems to have calmed down a bit since we got back from the hospital. If heavy bleeding resumes tonight/tomorrow we’ve been told to go to the EPU as I may need a drip/iron injections/a couple of nights in a hospital bed. I truly hope that will not be necessary. I’ve doubled my dose of estrogen and vitamins and I’m doing the fanny bullets via the back door so I can give my vagina a ‘rest’. Seriously.

I am so grateful and happy that our babies are alive and well. Even though they are teeny tiny I feel overwhelmed by love for them – they are clinging on to life despite my body waging a war on us.  I am also grateful for my husband for being so supportive, loving and kind. I am in awe of women who go through this alone, it is utterly terrifying. Finally I am grateful every single day for our gynaecologist. He is a treasure.